ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
even my farts smell like vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
