ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
