We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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