he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
