the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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