He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
