hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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