i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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