I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
