I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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