ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
