I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
