I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
