Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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