i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
