sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
