Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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