i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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