dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
