Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
