He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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