my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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