I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
