Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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