happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
