I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
