It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
