Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
