Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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