i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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