never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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