I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Randomize
