you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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