Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
