I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
