You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
