I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
