So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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