so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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