The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
