His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm getting married
To pizza
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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