You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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