My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
