I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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