i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
