he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize