Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
