Your tits are I can't wait for
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
