you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize