Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
