Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
