I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's how pantless uber rides happen
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
