Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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