It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
