I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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