You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
