I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
