I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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