Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
