I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
