I skipped work to stalk him.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
