Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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