I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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