Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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