i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
