I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
