yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
