i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
