I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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