I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
where are my pants?
in the oven.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
