PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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