I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
