I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
