I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
