Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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