You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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